BIPOC Adoptees, Food & Identity 2024

INTRO

My name is Tenley, my pronouns are they/she. I’m a biracial adoptee born and raised in Virginia. My biological mom is Canadian, and also an adoptee. She met my biological dad who is from Atlanta on a cruise ship and here I am. :) I’m the founder of a studio on 16th & Lovejoy called Rhythms Community Studio, focusing on holistic Pilates & seasonal events. This is part of the story of how I found my personal mission, to bring people together and redefine what it means to be connected to self and the world around us.

SPEECH

Through the mundane noise of suburban life, a young girl learns to listen to the simplicity of nature. She learns to escape from the rigid structures that held her ideas of who she should become captive. The older she gets the more her predominantly white, heavily Christian and moderately affluent upbringing proves morally challenging for the brown girl, who often finds herself mistaken for a boy, a fluid identity she wouldn’t connect with until much later (33, and I’m 34 presently). Eventually, she sought to reconnect with her audacity to dream beyond what she was taught, which was to be a follower of rules that kept her inline with her parents' way of viewing her place in their world.

After all, her adoptive family could never see past their idea of what she represented to them - a token of their political agenda used to posture themselves in the Presbyterian Christian community. She uses the limited landscape of the Metropolitan DC area to find some sense of connection, crafting dishes from wild onions and mud, garnished with pine needles serving as makeshift herbs. Days quickly turned into sticky afternoons as she and her brother passed time at the creek, the only sliver of nature that was available. It was easy to get lost in catching crawdads and unraveling cattails, delicately peeling their velvety brown exterior to scatter the fluffy bits into the creek. Little moments of escape, watching the water from the creek tumble down rocks while dragonflies skipped against the surface, teach her how to whisper her wishes into the wind. Maybe one day she’ll be able to experience something bigger, something more connected to the land she felt a pull towards.

The first time she was brave enough to dream in her waking life is to become a chef, at age 7, sketching in her journal ideas for a restaurant called Rigatoni's, stemming from a childhood nickname given to her by her 3rd mother, a stepmother who married into her family after her adoptive mother passed. Papers filled with names for pasta dishes, infused with the colors of jazz music. Part gallery, part lounge and fueled by fettuccine, it would give a place for people to gather and her to entertain. She attempted to bond with her stepmom over their shared love of food, but on most days, she encountered a hard hand, crushing her ideas of becoming somebody, anybody…

Straying from her religiously motivated family norms led to trouble and eventually to a behavioral modification facility where she stayed for 22 long and dark months. It’s interesting that most of the problems she encountered were related to food, taking snacks that she wasn’t allowed in her own home from her peers at school. Taking money from her dad’s nightstand to buy candy at the local Walgreens. Stealing snacks along with her siblings from the 711, hiding the evidence between her mattresses only to be discovered later and reprimanded by her stepmom in ways that weren’t in weight with her crimes. Many of the students at the behavioral modification school were other adoptees, giving her a hope that she wasn’t alone in being misunderstood. Despite hardships, she found solace in the kitchen, making friends with Chef Chester, who was known for giving a hefty amount of brown sugar in his famous Thursday oatmeals. Her time away intensified confusion about who she was, yet broadened her capacity to dream, leading her on a path to unravel learned expectations, find forgiveness for herself, and seek her true belonging.

Daring to dream feels audacious in a world that champions practicality, where deviating from corporate, spiritual and relational structures risks being misunderstood. Determined to grow new roots, she embarks on a journey of self-discovery, selling all her belongings to relocate to the West Coast, a place she idealized for being “free spirited” and wild. Driving across the United States in pursuit of a vague notion of spirituality, her plans stray from their intended course. Forced to relinquish conventional pressures (well, she was fired from her corporate sales job), she rediscovers her intrinsic values, driven by her love for food and its origins.

So again, she packed her bags, heading south to Central America for what would end up being an almost 4 year quest for new experiences surrounded by other people escaping what held them back from feeling truly alive.

She starts to grasp the profound significance of spiritual nourishment - not just as a personal choice, but as a powerful act of resistance against the harms of rapid industrialization on the natural world and the commodification of its wisdom. By immersing herself in off-grid living, forming bonds by living with and volunteering with local farmers, eating from the land and embracing sustainable practices, she reclaims her connection to the earth and the guidance it provides. The lifelong trials slowly reveal a complicated gift - a journey of empowerment and liberation, using nature and the shifts between it’s cycles of death and rebirth, as a conduit for reclamation.

Eventually, the loss of her dad in 2020 helps her to painfully close a chapter of her life that held her back from exploring who she was all along, a queer creative with a deep passion for embracing the full spectrum of human experiences. Through years of unlearning and relearning she finds her place in Portland later on in 2020, creating a studio for people to gather so they too can rediscover the beat of their hearts through the things that helped her find belonging - movement, meditation and seasonal and community gatherings centered around food.

Earlier this year, their world was turned upside down once again by the release of The Program, a Netflix documentary created by their peers from the Academy at Ivy Ridge, the infamous behavioral modification school. For months, their mind was consumed by reliving the trauma they had tried to bury through their travels across the U.S. and abroad. But it was the community they built that reminded them this wasn’t who they were anymore — it was a memory of where they had been. Slowly, life became a celebration again. They turned their focus back to the land, creating farm focused events that explored how the cycles of the highlighted produce (peaches, apples, pumpkins) mirrored the rhythms of their own emotional landscapes.

As fall turned into winter, they found comfort in quiet moments and warmth in the second year of studio community events. The cookie swap, soup swap, and other themed gatherings became traditions, bringing people together to share stories, laughter, and the tastes that reflect the diversity of their lives. Through exchanging recipes and lively discussions, they celebrated the beauty of food as a connection - each dish a reflection of someone’s unique story, encouraging their sense of belonging and joy.